On my knees if you please!!

Don't go looking over the title of this entry and start think anything weird! There is a seriousness to being brought to your knees both literally and metaphorically speaking. This experience can be an awakening and religious in a sense. Alongside my recovery and self-knowledge gathering I also have to continue to walk in what is my life. This can often times mean that with every step I make in coming to an understanding of myself, I also continue to deal with the situations around me that attempt to tear away at my newly found serenity.

Recently when I was notified that our tenants would not be renewing their lease on our rental property, I could not begin to see any positive outcome. The economy is down, interest rates are down and rental rates are down. This means we possibly would not get a new renter in at the same rate as the previous tenants, and also being that it is September, we most likely would not get one in anytime soon. This was a very scary reality that I was having a hard time facing. If you are new to this blog, then I will catch you up!! I am a spouse in recovery alongside my wife who is a recovering Alcoholic. When you walk in life's recovery, you are cautiously optimistic about the possibility of relapse for the Alcoholic. Obviously that is the last thing they or you want, but this situation was doing a fine job of testing me, and I found myself hoping I could shield my wife from this harsh reality. I have an extreme appreciation for my newly found serenity, and was not about to let this situation jeopardize it. I held back all my desires to take control and push to a point of resolution, knowing that those efforts would have only caused me pain and sleepless nights.

I sat out on my deck one evening looking out across the star filled night sky and told my Higher Power "If I need to be brought to my knees, if I needed to suffer in order to grow then I will accept that." WOW!!! Man that was a moment let me tell you!!! I felt so at ease after that. I knew that what was to be would be. I would go about my life on the path that I am on, and deal with what ever was to come. My Higher Power would take the wheel and I was ready for the journey.

I got a call from our renters today. Seems that the place they were moving to just was not as nice as ours and they wanted to see about renegotiating the current lease. I was somewhat surprised, but not really. You see, I honestly was ready to lose it all in order to gain humility and live a closer relationship with my Higher Power. He heard me, believed in my sincerity and in turn, gave his hand to me so that I my raise up from my knees and walk with him. Let Go Let God!!!